Gen Z & the 10 Commandments
Wondering with my teen about euthanizing pets, polyamory, and preventing burnout
Note from KT Sancken: Three more stories of faith on the margins are coming! In the meantime, this is a conversation with my 13-year-old daughter about the 10 Commandments. As background, Lucy was diagnosed as autistic when she was eight years old. She wants you to know that her autistic fascination is animals. I’ve written in other places about my journey to understand how church can meet her needs. Right now, she finds church too much, so she and I have ‘family church’ at home. We talk about holy things over breakfast. On weeks without ‘Holy Others’ interviews, I hope to bring you these honest conversations with my kids as a way to inspire other holy, honest conversations.
Me: If you could write your own 10 commandments, would they be this same as the 10 commandments in the Bible?
Lucy: I don't remember all of them, but I think I would probably write a couple extra and revise some of them.
First Commandment
Me: The first is ‘thou shalt have no other gods before me.’
Lucy: Definitely don't worship earthly things as if they were God, but we already worship other branches of God, like Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I feel like it would be okay to worship the Holy Spirit through something you feel deeply connected to, like a tree. If I feel like the Holy Spirit guides me to this tree, I’m not gonna worship the tree, but I’m going to worship God at this tree.
Second Commandment
Me: Okay. So, the second commandment, I think, is ‘do not take the Lord's name in vain.’
Lucy: You're really calling his name when you don't need to. I don't think it's a massive deal. Like, it’s a little rude, but I don't think this is, like, 10 commandments worthy. Rude, but not a sin. What do you think?
Me: I should probably remember what I learned in the Lutheran church growing up. I went through confirmation and read through Luther’s catechism. Each week, we talked about a commandment. Hold on, I’m going to go get my Bible.
Lucy: I'm just kind of annoyed that you never let me say, ‘oh God.’ Dad is always like ‘oh gosh.’
Me: But why are we correcting you on that? Because it's a commandment. It's not a suggestion. Oh, here they are! The 10 commandments! Exodus 20. Oh, there's actually different commandments based on faith tradition. One set if you’re Jewish; one set for Roman Catholics, Lutheran and Eastern Orthodox; and another set for Reformed, Anglican, and other Protestant traditions.
Lucy: So, what do we follow? What is based on history? The root of things, you know? The original? Probably Jewish?
Me: Well, it says, Judaism begins with their first commandment, ‘I am the Lord, your God’ and then the second commandment is ‘You shall have no other gods.’ In the Christian traditions, the first commandment is, ‘you shall have no other gods.’
Lucy: Okay.
Third Commandment
Me: The third commandment, according to Catholics and Lutherans, is ‘Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy.’
Lucy: I would revise it to be, ‘It's important to rest and it's important to not overwork yourself.’ You don’t need to rest on a specific day. I feel like it should be, ‘when you feel really burnt out, then rest.’
Me: So, kind of like in in the New Testament? Jesus heals on the Sabbath and all of the religious leaders like, ‘oh, he's breaking the law! You're not supposed to do anything on the Sabbath!’ What does Jesus say?
Lucy: I don’t know.
Me: Jesus kind of agrees with you. Jesus says, basically, ‘you're following the law in a very strict way, but you're not following the feeling behind the law.’
He said to them, “If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a person than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath.” - Matthew 9:12
Lucy: There are some differences in these commandments. The second commandment for Reformed, Anglicans and Protestant traditions says, ‘You shall not make for yourself a graven image.’ What does that mean?
Me: It means don't try to make a picture of God and worship a picture of God.
Lucy: Oh, humans do that a lot.
Me: Notice that Roman Catholics and Lutherans don't have that particular commandment, and that’s mainly how I was raised. If you go into a Reformed church, like a Presbyterian church, they don’t usually have pictures of Jesus or God in their church. They don't want art to be so beautiful that you would worship the art and not God.
Lucy: I guess we don't really know what the real God looks like, so it’s a little weird to try to make an image of God.
Fourth Commandment
Lucy: Okay, moving on. ‘Honor your father and mother.’ Yes, I don't do this but should do this.
Fifth Commandment
Lucy: Fifth! ‘You shall not kill.’ Can we change it to, ‘Shall not murder’? Because I feel like if there's a mosquito on you, you deserve to slap it.
Me: That's right over here. The Lutheran version says ‘you shall not murder.’ The Reformed version says, ‘you shall not kill.’
Lucy: Sometimes the most humane thing to do to an animal is to euthanize. If an animal was run over by a car and it's still somehow alive, the best thing you can do to that animal is euthanize it. It just won't be happy or healthy. Okay, let's go through the next ones.
Sixth Commandment
Me: Okay, ‘you shall not commit adultery.’
Lucy: Without consent would be my thing. There's polyamory. Polyamory is okay with consent.
Me: You believe in polyamory? You do?
Lucy: Yeah.
(Note from KT Sancken: At this point, I’m stunned. We’ve never had this conversation before. Yet, I can’t think of a Biblical counter-argument to polyamory. All I can think of is the desert fathers of the Old Testament who each had several wives.)
Me: What is consent?
Lucy: If you are committing adultery and not telling your partner, that is terrible. Do not do that. But, if there are multiple people in a relationship and they consent, that’s not hurting anybody. I don't personally do it, and I don't really agree with it, but it's not hurting anybody. Not if it's consensual.
Seventh Commandment
Me: Alright, let’s keep going. Thou shall not steal.
Lucy: Yes. Don't steal.
Eighth Commandment
Me: Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor.
Lucy: Why use the word neighbor? I feel like you shouldn't bear false witness against anyone.
Me: Well, maybe neighbor just means anyone.
Lucy: I guess. Okay, next one.
Ninth & Tenth Commandment
Lucy: Thou shall not covet. This is really complicated for me.
Me: In the Lutheran tradition, they actually break ‘thou shall not covet’ into two separate commandments, but in the Reformed and Anglican tradition, it's one commandment.
Lucy: I feel like you should be able to want something. Stealing is wrong, but maybe I could get one of my own someday. Like, maybe I could have my own donkey one day. Isn’t coveting better than stealing?
Me: That's interesting because this is one of my favorite commandments. I know it’s a weird thing to say and to have a favorite commandment. What I love about this commandment …
Lucy: Wait, shouldn’t ‘do not murder’ be your favorite?
Me: I mean, not murdering is generally good, but I rarely feel like murdering someone. This commandment applies to me everyday. God is trying to tell us through this commandment that when you desire things that are not yours, it doesn't bring you closer to God.
Lucy: Like what you always say, ‘comparison of the thief of joy’, right?
Me: Yeah!
Lucy: I think we should change it from ‘thou shalt not covet’ to ‘thou shalt not compare’ because wanting something is different. In this day of media and the internet, it’s impossible not to want things.
The Law According to Lucy
Me: What do you want to say about sin and the ten commandments?
Lucy: Why doesn’t God tell people, ‘do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn’t hurt other people’. That would be my one commandment, okay?
Me: So that's what you would boil it down to? Do you know how Jesus boils it down in the New Testament? He says, ‘love your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. And love your neighbor as yourself.’
“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
Matthew 22:36-40
Lucy: I feel like that's pretty good. I would just say, ‘do whatever makes you happy as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else or anything.’
Me: So that is theology according to Lucy.
Lucy: Yes.
Pretty astute young lady. Or should I say Ladies. I enjoyed this exchange. Love us the greatest commandment. ❤️