10 Hilarious Jesus-Themed Gifts
For the irreverent Christian in your life
As we approach the season of commercialism … umm … I mean giving … here is a list of hilarious Jesus-themed gifts to buy the Christian in your life who doesn’t take themselves too seriously. Please be aware, none of these are affiliate links. I am but a meager writer, with a penchant for the ridiculous. I will make no money off of recommending these products. Zilch. They just bring me joy.
Dancing Jesus
Every desk-bound worker should have a bobble head tchotchke to keep them company. We know that Jesus is always with us, why not make that feeling tangible? Jesus can dance on your desk every day!
Actually, I Love the Gays
First of all, let’s give a round of applause for the graphic designer who made Jesus a brown man, as he definitely was in real life. Second of all, Jesus’ sash in fabulous. It color coordinates with everything. Your Christmas tree can let people know you’re an LGBTQ+ affirming Christian.
What would Jesus Stew?
If you grew up a Christian in the 1990s, you wore a W.W.J.D. bracelet. Don’t deny it. Why not update the message with the middle-aged version of a bracelet? Kitchen utensils! (To answer the hypothetical question: definitely lamb stew.)
It's Okay to Have Jesus and a Therapist Too
I fully stand by this message. Plus, this could be the perfect passive-aggressive gift for the Christian in your life who really should see a therapist. Imagine their faces when they open it up on Christmas day. Really, imagine it. They’d go through the full spectrum of emotions.
Lettuce Pray
These socks speak for themselves. Tacos never disappoint. Puns about tacos never disappoint. Neither does Jesus.
Finding Jesus
Yes! Yes! Someone did it! Someone made a ‘Where’s Waldo?’ book about ‘Finding Jesus’. In a perfect world, this would be pocket sized, so that when someone asks you, “Have you found Jesus?” you can pull it out and say, “Have you?” Seek and you shall find!
Bible Air Fresheners
Nirvana famously sang that it ‘Smells like Teen Spirit.’ You can live in a parallel Christian universe where it ‘Smells like Fruits of the Spirit.’
I Saw That
He sees you when you’re sleeping. He knows when you’re awake. He knows when you’ve been bad or good. It’s not Santa, government surveillance or big tech data collection - it’s Jesus.
OMG You Guys, That’s Not What I Said!
In an interview with Larry King in 1986, Carol Burnett said, “tragedy plus time equals comedy.” Have enough years passed since Jesus’ death for this to be funny? I think so.
The Bible Is Funny Game
Since Bible verses are always being taken out of context, why not make a game of it? Imagine ‘Apples to Apples’ or ‘Cards Against Humanity’ meets the Bible.
An excuse I would use to get out of going somewhere...
I am very old. Joshua 23:2
My breath is offensive. Job 19:17
My back is filled with searing pain; there is no health in my body. Psalm 38:7